How to Take a Quick Shower

I don’t know about you, but for me, showers rank pretty highly in my top 10 list of bodily pleasures.

In fact, up until recently, it wasn’t uncommon for me to take 30-45 minute showers.

At times, my love affair with the shower has even bordered on the problematic.   Causing me to miss my train, arrive late to a date or burn the breakfast I left cooking while I said I was just going to have a “quicky”.

But at the start of the quarantine, I finally taught myself how to take a quick shower.  And no matter how much I loved my long shower sessions, it feels better to have the freedom to decide when they will be happening and when not.

If you currently still have trouble getting out of the shower on time, then the rest of this post will teach you how to optimize your bathing ritual for efficiency and slay those shower demons once and for all.

 

Why the Obvious Solutions Wont Work

You’d wonder why a question like “How to Take a Quick Shower” even deserves a blog post in the first place.

After all, it’s not rocket science:

Step 1: Turn on shower

Step 2: Get in shower

Step 3: Only stay in for a short time

Step 4: Turn off shower

Step 5: Get out of shower

But while that method sounds great on paper, being unable to shower quickly is not a problem of practicality.  It’s an emotional issue.

We walk in there with the best intentions.  But as soon as those first drops of warm, wet goodness fall on our faces, we get transported to a place where time and space themselves become fluid.  Until the entire fabric of reality consists of nothing but watery pleasure that has neither beginning nor end.  And if you’re the kind of person that uses the shower head for a little more than just rinsing, this change in time perception can grow even more intense.

Needless to say that in such a state, you are not able to accept responsibility (and therefore shouldn’t be held accountable) for any burnt dinners, skipped days of work, or kids waiting in the cold when you’re supposed to pick them up.   It happens to the best of us.  It is said that if Tom Cruise himself had taken even one shower in M:I-2, the mission would have, in fact, been impossible.

So how do we tackle this problem?

I’m not gonna lie, in my first attempt to fix it, I actually Googled “how to take a quick shower” myself. The most common recommendation was to set a timer before you get in.  It’s definitely a superior method to showering without a timer.  But due to the problem I described above, it didn’t go exactly as planned.  This is how it usually turned out:

Step 1: Get in the shower

Step 2: Space and time dissolve into nothingness.  Pep gets transported to psychedelic world of watery pleasure

Step 3: Alarm goes off

Step 4: Realize I still haven’t washed an inch of my body, ignore alarm

Step 5: Go back to pleasureland while girlfriend enjoys the beautiful sound of the alarm for another 10 minutes.

Not ideal.  But of course you didn’t come here to read about shower routines that don’t work.   So without further ado, let’s share the method that reduced my shower time to less than 5 minutes.

 

One Shower Routine to Rule Them All

Step 1:

Get in the shower.  Let the water wash the sweat off your sexy body while you slowly count to 30.  Notice I said count to 30, not set a 30 second timer.  The reason for this is that the act of counting keeps your mind focused on the numbers, instead of how good the shower feels.

(Pro tip:  This step works extra well if you do it with cold water.  If you’re a bit too much of a chicken schnitzel to do this, lukewarm water will still do the trick. )

Step 2:

Once you’ve reached the count of 30, turn off the water immediately.  Now apply any products you use to clean yourself.  Start with shampoo if you’re into that.  Then while your hair is absorbing it, wash the rest of your body with whatever product you use (soap, shower gel, mud from the holy Ganges river).

Step 3:

Turn the water back on to rinse everything.  Count to 30 again.  If you use conditioner, you can use this time to quickly rub it in.

Step 4:

Turn the water to ice cold, count to 30 again (or in case of being a schnitzel: as long as you can manage to stay in).

Yes, that’s a lot of counting.  But if you do this, you’ll be clean and ready to go in less than 2 minutes total.

I recommend that you stick with this routine for at least 3 weeks, so that your brain adopts it as a habit. After that, you’ll most likely be able to take quick showers without the counting.

Nowadays my showers are usually between 5 and 10 minutes.  So a lot longer than the routine I just mentioned.  But before practicing it first, I was never able to do them as quickly.  And at least now I know that if we’re ever running late I can do it in 2 minutes.  Because that’s what matters:

As long as there’s running water in you house, you’re free to shower as long as you want to.  But if you don’t also have the freedom to do it very quickly, then the question is:  Are those few minutes of added enjoyment really worth the extra stress of always running late? 😉

 

 

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