Yesterday I fasted and cooked up a medicinal psilocybin concoction with a few friends. It was one of the lightest trips I had in terms of “drugginess”. But I did get some very profound new insights about who I am and how I long to relate to others.
At one point, I experienced something I’d describe as very similar to being dead.
While in the process of ”dying”, I constantly wanted to tell my friends about what I was feeling. But somewhere deep down I knew the only reason I was trying to talk to them was because I didn’t want to die. So instead I trusted the medicine needed to take me through it and never spoke a word.
Every time I got another inch closer to death, my brain went “Hey, you should tell them about how awesome it is that you get to experience this! Describe this or that detail and how it feels.”. But I recognized that was just me sneakily trying to stay alive a little longer.
When my brain finally went black and my muscles stopped moving, it totally didn’t feel bad at all. In fact it was one of the safest, peaceful, most confident feelings I’ve ever had. I didn’t need or want anything. I always thought death was scary as fuck, especially when you still have a lot you want to do with your life. But on the contrary. Death was perfect. Death was so beautiful I wanted to borrow a piece of it and take it with me for the rest of my life.
When the journey was almost over, I wrote down a short message on a piece of paper:
One Day, This Will All Be Over
One day, it will all be over…
When you think about that, how does it make you feel?
Do you feel relief? Or does the thought scare you?
There is no right answer, don’t worry.
Everything that you love right now.
Everything that you’re scared to death of losing.
One day, all of that will be gone.
And you will still be fine.
And everything that you’re sick and tired of.
Everything that you tell yourself you can’t stand to bear another day. (Only to wake up the next day and bear it anyway).
One day that will all be over.
So relax. Be patient.
Everything that you think you need to have right now.
Will be there for you some day.
And then on another one, it will stop being there.
And you’ll still be okay.
Everything you ever worked for as hard as you could, will one day burn into the ground.
Then from the ashes new things will grow.
And they too will die someday. Just like everyone you know.
Everyone you love, will die some day.
Human beings as a race will go extinct.
And our fancy traditions will die with it.
The sun will burn out, the plants will stop growing, all the animals will starve, and this world will be nothing but a cold, dark, shadow of what it used to be.
But it will still be beautiful.
Every skyscraper that was ever erected will turn to dust.
And every piece of culture we considered significant enough to preserve will be destroyed.
Aliens will discover a dry, dark earth and conclude no life could ever have existed on our planet.
The planet they had put their high hopes on to re-locate to after their unsustainable civilisation had gotten out of hand and destroyed their home planet.
So relax, you’re fine.
It’s all okay.
Everything you’re worrying about is just a brief billionth of a second in the history of something timeless.
Everything you think is important, will not be there anymore at some point.
And you’ll still be just fine.
Even your own death will result in nothing but peace.
So you have nothing to be afraid of. And everything to enjoy before it’s gone.
Every moment to seize and use to the best of your ability.
To give yourself to this world.
Because just like your breath, or your next heartbeat, that moment will eventually pass. And with it, the opportunity it holds.
But don’t let that idea cause you to rush either.
It will just make you feel like you die sooner.
Everything and everyone in your life, comes and goes when it’s time.
So be patient as a motherfucker.
And enjoy the ride 😉
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