Do you ever tell yourself “I made my move… now the ball is in their court” ?

I used to do it all the time. I’d tell myself things like:

• “I asked her out, she said she was busy. Now it’s up to her to take initiative.”
• “I told him I was willing to squash our beef, he reacted with hesitation, so now the ball is in his court.”
• “I asked for pizza, they didn’t have pizza. What kind of restaurant doesn’t have pizza?? This is an outrage!! I mean, it’s the 21st century for god’s sake! You can at least lie to me and secretly have the pizza line deliver to your kitchen. What is this? One of those 90s MTV prank shows?? I asked for pizza and you said you didn’t have any. Now the balls in you’re court. Better act fast or my review on TripAdvisor review of this taqueria will by spicy.”

While this type of thinking seems correct, it has a major flaw:

What if the other team simply doesn’t know the ball is in their court?

THe ball would just keep laying there until both teams abandon the field because they’re tired of waiting.

Think how ridiculous it would sound if a sports coach gave his team one of the following pep talks:

• “We tried to score, but they didn’t let us. So why should we bother trying again?”
• “Don’t go up there guys, let the ball come to you first, then act.”
• “Alright team, here’s our strategy: We’ll just wait until the other team does something.”

Sounds pretty stupid, right? Yet we do it all the time.

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Positive What If’s

Next time you catch yourself thinking it’s the other person’s turn to make a move, ask yourself if you’re willing to let that ball rot away forever. And be left with a lot of “what if’s” 5 years from now.

• What if we had both been willing to admit our mistakes and became even better friends than before?
• What if you had contacted that company one more time, and it turned out to be the start of a great career?
• What if you had asked that guy out instead of waiting for him because “it’s the man’s role to do so” … and you ended up being life partners?

A lot of times the answer won’t really bother you because you simply don’t care enough about the situation—and that’s OK. In that case, you can just say “the ball’s still in my court, but I lost interest in kicking it” (which is often the honest answer).

But if you want something really badly, then you should always assume it is still your turn unless the other person announced stepping out of the game…because if you don’t, here’s some other possible “what if’s” you maybe didn’t think of yet:

• What if your first move was much weaker than you thought…you only kicked the ball half way and they didn’t notice you were trying to pass it?
• What if they didn’t see the ball enter they court and still think it’s in yours? How could they ever make a move?
• What if it’s still stuck on the middle line and it’s actually fair play for both of you?
• What if they know very well the ball’s in their court but they’re ashamed about not kicking it for so long, so they’re waiting for you to signal you’re still game?

So there you have it. The ball is in your court right now. Are you gonna be the first to walk up there and hit it as hard as you can? Or are you just gonna keep waiting for the other team while they’re waiting for you…. and no one ever scores?

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I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the context of how connections evolve as adult life gets busier.​

It’s common for me to forget to kick a ball they passed me. Or for both sides to not kick the ball for a while because other things demand our attention, so we just didn’t have much time to play.

It’s good to not have hangups about this.

Know the ball is there.

Know that you can pass it back and see how the other side responds.

Doesn’t matter how dusty the ball got.

Doesn’t matter how absent from the game you’ve both been.

Give the ball a pass, see what happens.